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Scene 5: That's Cool
May enters USL onto the platform, carrying a small purse with props. She is followed by J.D.

May: Thank you for coming along today, sir. As we've discussed, we're researching teens since they are the target for our new cigarette campaign. Gotta replace those 400,000 people we're losing to uh, "market reduction".

J.D.: Today's teenager is tomorrow's potential regular customer.(xxx)

May: And we know just how to get 'em.

J.D.: The rise in cigarette consumption is basically due to advertising.(xxxi)

May: Right, but we're banned from advertising in schools.

J.D.: Unfairly.(xxxii)

May: Absolutely. But I've got this new idea to get around the ban. It's so wacky, it just might work, we design "anti-smoking" (every time May uses the phrase "anti-smoking" she indicates the quotation marks with her fingers) ads that will actually promote our product. In schools.

J.D.: The base of our business is the high school student.(xxxiii)

May: There are hundreds of students assembled here. It's a perfect opportunity to figure out what's cool. Once we know what's "in" we can use that information both for our new cigarette brand and our new "anti-smoking" ads .

J.D.: It is important to know as much as possible about teenage smoking patterns and attitudes.(xxxiv)
May: Yes, and we can find out today what's cool, what's happenin', what's in with the kids. First of all, we've got to blend in with the kids, lets see what we can do about you. Here, put this on. (May produces a large rhinestone clip-on earring and gives it to J.D. Unsure of what to do, he holds it to his right ear, then his left, May shakes her head "no" and points to his nose). You need a tattoo, (slaps tattoo on his forehead). Don't worry, it's temporary. Now, try to put a little schwammawama in your walk, it's all about attitude. Imagine you're a beginning smoker. (May walks into the audience).

J.D.: A cigarette for the beginner is a symbolic act (flips up collar). I am no longer my mother's child, I'm tough, I am an adventurer, I'm not square(xxxv) …(prat fall as he walks into audience)
May: Improvisations with 2 or 3 teens commenting & complimenting them on their popular culture accessories and clothing, pointing out what is cool while J.D. feverishly tries to document it all on his palm pilot.

J.D.: Taking in the audience A massive potential market.(xxxvi)

May: There are a lot of cool kids here today, J.D., what are we looking for exactly?

J.D.: The trendsetters… the ones breaking new ground.(xxvii)

May: Like her. (Walks to Hope in audience) Hi, my name is May. What's your name?

Hope: Hope.

May: Hey, Hope. What's up? I'm wondering if I could ask you a few questions.

Hope: Sure, whatever.
May: You seem like you know what's in. What's cool with teenagers nowadays? What's everybody doing, wearing, listening to?

Hope: I dunno, I don't really worry about it.

J.D.: Try to tap the emerging independence…(xxxviii)

May: O.K. then, where did you get that sweatshirt? What do you like to eat for breakfast, what shampoo do you use? What music do you listen to? What influences your thoughts?

Hope: Me? I like to think for myself. For example, right now, I'm thinking, who are you and what do you want from me? Why am I so important to you?
May: Well I, uh, we're interested in you because…

J.D.: (Aside)Massive potential market!(xxxix)

May: Well for example do you like to listen to N'Sync?

Hope: Leave me alone. Hope and Allure get up and walk away towards the backstage. May follows asking more questions about what's popular (i.e. Britney Spears? Barney?). J.D. also follows and tries to document.

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